Disappointment

Unfortunately, today was a day of disappointments. For me, it was a letter in the mail announcing the opposite of what I wanted it to. I applied for a fellowship to Korea; a sixteen day, all expenses paid, educational trip. Hundreds of others also applied, or so the letter said. Though I wasn't sure I would be selected, I acted like a would be. I was considering taking some Spanish classes, then this opportunity came up. Though Spanish would be more practical, I kind of felt like I was "cheating" on a language I was supposed to know. Now I have to decide again, Spanish or Korean? I'm leaning Spanish so I need to get over the guilt of not knowing Korean.
Disappointment is such a downer. It literally takes the wind out of your sails, the air out of your balloon, the bounce from your step, the, well you get the idea. It's not the end of the world, life or death, so on and so forth, but it is a really big bummer. 

Disappointments are worse when they're piled on. Though the second disappointment of the day wasn't mine personally, it was Porter's which effects me as his parent. If I haven't already made it clear, Porter is very into WWE, which is "professional" wrestling, or I like to call it, fake wrestling. He's a big fan and his mimicry resulted in an injury, a visit to urgent care, and a field trip to watch a real high school wrestling match. Fast forward a couple months and an opportunity for pee wee, non-competitive wrestling is offered by the local high school wrestling team. Porter, the Mountain May, and CTF (initials/moniker of his neighborhood wrestling buddy) decide to sign up.

For those of you who aren't aware, wrestling is an incredibly physically demanding sport that takes major strength and stamina. Porter is seriously lacking in physical strength and stamina and it is incredibly frustrating for him. He inhabits a body that does not cooperate with what he envisions it doing. The situation is similar to his speech difficulties. For the longest time, the way he heard himself talking in his head and what was actually being heard by others didn't match up. He once even said, "In my head I have a beautiful singing voice." Even with his "new" awareness, he hasn't given up singing. 

Tonight at wrestling, it was "Boom, boom, boom. Over and over and over and over again." Porter was relating his experience at practice tonight, and the worst part of it, it was a much younger kid that he was wrestling. Porter is somewhat trapped in his own body. I understand his frustration because I've been betrayed by mine. It doesn't work to give him the adult intellectualized explanation of his situation, he's just a kid, and a resilient one at that. This is just a speed bump on life's road, but it doesn't make it any less disappointing in this moment.