July 4, 2009 "It's Complicated Part Dul*"

As usual, I thought of more to say related to the “It’s complicated….” post. For starters, how many of you give much thought to the boxes you check on numerous applications that indicate race? I’ve always had to think about it. It’s never been just a quick X, and on I go. Over 20 years ago is when I first started filling out applications, first for jobs, then college, then credit cards and so on. I always felt like checking only Caucasian would be a denial of my mother and checking only Pacific Islander/Asian would be denial of my father. I also always wondered why Pacific Islander and Asian were put together, though lately I have seen them as separate choices.
I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t check only one box. So I would either put an X in two boxes, or I would actually write ½ in each box. Sometimes I would check Other, and give no further explanation. Sometimes I would write “bi-racial” for Other and leave it at that. The more applications I filled out, the more frustrated I got with the whole process. I know that most of the time it’s optional, but I still felt the need to enter my info, more to show them that we all don’t fit in a neat little box than anything.
Over the years, the boxes have changed. Some of the classifications have changed to make them more politically correct. I’ve even seen bi-racial, and sometimes the directions will say check all that apply. America is a nation of variety. My paternal grandparents, born in the United States, were full Swedes. You’d never know that by looking at me, but they are.

A friend reminded me of a term used to describe me when I was young, “half and half.” It wasn’t meant to hurt or insult me, and I didn’t take offense to it. In fact, I think my friend who is half Japanese and half Caucasian came up with the term. And though I know I’m part Asian, I still feel a little surprised when someone puts a lot of emphasis on it or labels me in that way. I feel American more than anything. I was and still am influenced by my mother’s culture, but I grew up here in the States.

Here’s another interesting thing about my heritage. When Parker was born, and there were quiet whispers in the delivery room, we suspected that he probably had Down Syndrome. We already knew it was a possibility, and the reactions of the OR staff pretty much confirmed it. Even so, I remember visiting with the pediatrician later that day. He was going over some of the characteristics of Down Syndrome that he saw in Parker, all the while comparing them to Asian features. He has almond shaped eyes, as do Asians. He has small features, as do Asians. He had a small nose with a flat bridge, as do Asians. The consensus was that he most likely had Down Syndrome, though having Asian ancestry made it just a little more complicated to confirm. We waited 3 weeks for that confirmation.

My sister has a blond haired blue eyed daughter. If I hadn’t been there for her delivery, I would probably still be wondering about that one. You’re probably thinking, “Oh, it must be the Swedish grandparents.” All I can say for now is, “Nope,” and that maybe there will be an explanation in a future post.

Still happy to be an American, and a representation of many cultures.

*Dul is the Korean word for two. Just wanted to clarify that my mom is from South Korea.