May 31, 2009 "Lightning"

Lightning never strikes twice in the same place… or does it? Lightning, lightning bolt, struck, bolt, electrified, etc… were also names under consideration for my blog, all related to an old English proverb and also to my life. Porter was my first lightning strike, Parker the second. The circumstances surrounding Porter’s birth and related disability were quite uncommon compared to all of our family and friends.  No one in Clint’s extended family had any children with disabilities, and it is a LARGE extended family. The same was also true for my smaller extended family. None of our friends had anything but healthy, typically developing children as well. We were the exception, the statistic, the unusual.

One of the courses for the special education license I was earning was all about the many different medical complications, diseases, syndromes, etc… possible for infants to be born with or to develop. Of course, in the overall scheme of things all of these conditions were rare, some more so than others. Even so, I vividly remember having a conversation with Clint about it in our kitchen. I was relating to him information about some of the more rare medical situations involving infants. I then told him that with all the things that could go wrong it was surprising to me that so many babies were born normal.

As our conversation continued, Clint brought up kids that have Down Syndrome and described them as many do: happy, loving, sweet. Then I countered with the possible medical conditions related to Down Syndrome: heart disease, gastrointestinal problems, vision and hearing issues, leukemia. Then I said something I thought I’d never say. I told Clint that if I knew that I was going to have a child with Down Syndrome that I would consider an abortion. (A side note, at least 90% of women who are given a Down Syndrome diagnosis terminate their pregnancy.) Little did I know at the time.

I consider myself to be pro choice, but for me personally, pro life. I remember the surprise, maybe even shock, on Clint’s face when I said the word abortion. I think I actually surprised myself too. I explained that I just didn’t think I could have another child with a disability. Actually, at the time I knew that I could do it, I just didn’t want to. Six years after Porter, about 3 years after that conversation, was when I was hit by lightning a second time. Parker was born with Down Syndrome.

So lightning does strike twice, contrary to the popular saying. In fact, I did a little “research” on the term. By research I mean that I surfed the net for information regarding this proverb. What I found was that studies show that lightning does strike two or more times in the same place. Imagine that! So actually, instead of being the exception, I am the norm… or am I?