June 26, 2009 "Death"

Porter’s question: “Mom, are you going to die?” My reply: “Someday.” After the cancer diagnosis, I had a huge fear of that question being asked and my having to answer it. I didn’t want to answer that question, but knew that I would have to at some point. And how would I answer it? As I’ve done in the past where I just brush it off and say that’s not something we need to worry about for a long time? Nope, no longer an option. That wouldn’t really be fair or prepare him for the inevitable, whenever my death were to happen. I didn’t want to lie to him, but I also didn’t want to have a discussion about my mortality when I was doing all I could to save it.

There has been a lot of death in the news lately. Two little boys here in the state recently died from injuries they sustained while riding a motorcycle and atv. Another was accidently buried alive by his own father. Heartbreaking, three young lives cut way to short, just like that. And unfortunately, summer is the season of children being accidently left in hot cars or being run over in their own driveways. Unfortunately, these accidents are often caused by family members, lives that will be changed forever.

Then the recent deaths of two celebrities:  Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett, at 50 and 62 respectively. I’m an obituary reader, though I did take a break during chemo. I will sometimes see people in their 40s and 50s who are listed as having died from “natural causes.” Really? How do you naturally die in your 40s or 50s when according to the CDC, life expectancy is 78? Gandhi said, “It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.” This quote makes me think of Larry H. Miller who died from complications of diabetes at the age of 64. Wealth isn’t much when you don’t have your health to enjoy it with. Maybe that is what the public finds so shocking in regards to celebrity deaths, since they are people who are believed to have access to all the finer things in life, including the best medical care. So if they’re not making it with the resources available to them, what is that saying for our chances?

So, though I’d like to, I don’t brush Porter off when he wants to talk about death. It’s usually a short conversation and sometimes a confusing one considering all the religious influences of our family (Mormon, Jehovah’s Witness, Protestant, and his participation in a Catholic Boy Scout troop). I do what I can to answer what he asks, without dwelling or elaborting, at least at this point. Maybe when he gets a little older the discussion can grow, but at least we’re having it.

There is a song on my Good Vibes CD by Oingo Boingo called We Close Our Eyes. My favorite part says:

I looked death in the face last night I saw him in a mirror, and he simply smiled. He told me not to worry, he told me just to take my time.

As far as time, I’ll take all that I can get, and all that’s guaranteed to me at this moment, is this moment. I hope to have a lifetime of moments, and to be able to celebrate each moment along the way, and be thankful for the moments that have passed.

I’d like to share the story of Eliot and how his parents enjoyed every moment of his life. Here’s to you and those you love, be sure to enjoy life and celebrate it all the while!