I’ve just started the part of the year in which I am a stay at home mom. The other three quarters of the year I’m a working mom. Since I do both, I feel that it’s pretty safe for me to comment on the Mommy Wars. For those of you who may not already know, the war that I speak of is between stay-at-home moms and working moms. Sounds silly doesn’t it? Why aren’t moms supporting one another? Moms are moms, 24/7, whether they stay at home or work. But we’ve somehow twisted that reality into an us against them mentality.
Just the other night I was involved in a conversation with a group of women, the topic was infidelity. Unfortunately, one of the women is currently having marriage difficulties in part because of her husband’s “cheating.” The consensus of the group was that none of them would put up with that from their husband. So of course the question of “Why doesn’t she just leave?” comes up to which the reply was, “Well, she’s been a stay-at-home mom for the past umpteen years, and what would she do?” Then for my benefit, I was told that that’s probably not something I would really get since I work, so I guess working moms as having an easier out. Maybe so, maybe not.
I have friends that stay at home, I have friends that work. I have friends that have stayed home for a few years until their children reached school age, and I have friends that are still at home with all school aged children. Once again, I’d like to say that moms are moms 24/7. As a teacher, I have had students with stay at home moms that have done great, others that haven’t. The same goes for students with moms that work. Some women work because they want to, some because it’s a financial necessity, and for anyone else to judge whether that desire or that necessity is valid really isn’t fair.
One of the least favorite things I hear from stay-at-home moms is that their children are their priority. I try not to take that as them saying that working moms’ children are not their priority. Of course my children are my priority. I take them to appointments, stay home with them when they’re sick, go on school fieldtrips, cook them dinner, read with them, take them to afterschool activities, etc… And what do I do with them when I’m home in the summer? I take them to appointments, stay home with them when they’re sick, provide them with a tutor, cook them dinner, read with them, take them to activities, etc… Not much different, at least in my view.
I’m also annoyed by one other topic that some stay-at-home moms bring up, and that’s the “chore” of being home, which literally includes the chores or duties that consume a mother’s day. I often hear, “Well, at least you get to do something different during the day.” Yeah, and then I get to come home and do all the other things, like the cooking, cleaning, laundry, bills, yardwork, etc.. that go along with being a parent and having a family. Working full time in no way gets you out of the “chores” of running a household. Again, moms are moms TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN.
From my experience, I believe that it truly does take a village to raise a child. And thank goodness that my village includes all kinds of mothers and parents (there are stay-at-home and working dads too!). I just wish we could support each other in motherhood, and in all the unique ways that it’s represented. In fact, I bet we have much more in common than we don’t, starting with our biggest priority, our children!
Check out this fun little song celebrating motherhood.
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